One of the hardest parts of any divorce is coming to accept that a marriage has ended, and moving on from life with your former partner. Even for spouses who initiated the separation, moving past the marriage can be a very difficult task. Our divorce lawyers’ clients go through many different emotions: anger, sadness, frustration, grief. But moving past your old marriage is as much a part of divorce as filing the paperwork and moving into separate homes. To help our clients accept their divorce and get on with the next stage of their lives, we recommend taking the following steps. It won’t always be easy, but following the right path post-divorce is incredibly important for starting your new life on the right foot.
Accept That the Marriage Is Over
In many divorces, at least one of the spouses involved doesn’t want to get divorced. If your partner is seeking a divorce over your objections, it is important to acknowledge what is happening, and start moving on as soon as possible. While accepting that a marriage is at an end may take awhile, it’s important to come to grips with the fact that you and your spouse are separating, and that your life together is coming to an end. If your ex is determined to separate, no amount of wishing, negotiating, or pleading will change that. Accept the facts, take stock of what you still have, and plan your next move accordingly. Hanging on to a relationship that has already ended, even if you wish it hadn’t, won’t help you move on with your life.
Take Stock of Your Marriage
During a divorce, it’s tempting dwell on all the hurt your partner has caused, or to romanticize your relationship and only think about all the good things that are gone. Every marriage has its good and bad moments, and both partners will have made their share of mistakes and done things that they regret. Think back on what went right and what went wrong between you and your partner, and try to learn from the issues that the two of you had. Divorce may be hard, but it can also be a learning experience that, in the end, will help you become a better, happier person. For that to happen, you need to take an honest accounting of yourself, your life, and how you can change them for the better.
Don’t Be Afraid to Rely on Others
It’s only natural for people going through a divorce to need advice and emotional support. Don’t let the hurt you are feeling keep you from talking to your friends and family about your divorce, how it’s making you feel, and what you need from them. If you don’t feel like you can share everything with them, speak to a counselor or therapist. Divorce brings up some difficult issues and personal feelings, and holding them inside won’t help the process become any easier. Build a support system for yourself that can offer you guidance and help when you need it.
Make Plans and Set Goals
Divorce isn’t just an ending to a marriage; it’s a new beginning, and a chance to pursue new opportunities. At first, you’ll want to set yourself short-term goals to keep your life on track during the massive changes that divorce causes. But, once you’ve found your footing, don’t be afraid to try new activities or pursue old dreams that you had set aside for your former partner. Once you are no longer responsible for your old spouse, you can take time to spend on yourself and become the person you want to be without them.
For more advice on how to proceed with your divorce, please call our office at 702 766 6671.